Great Writing From A Mastermind

by The Bitter Poet

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released October 31, 2013

The Bitter Poet - vocals & guitar
Words & music by The Bitter Poet (Secret Candy Music ASCAP)
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY; Mastered by Paul Gold, Salt Mastering
CD art direction by Ben Killen; Front Cover photo by KL Thomas



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The Bitter Poet Brooklyn, New York

The Bitter Poet's anti-folk, indie-rock, musical storytelling is darkly humorous, intense, gritty. His songs are honest to a fault, yet over-the-top and grandiose in the style of Tom Waits or Nick Cave.
Musically, his straight-ahead rock chords and carnival-like lyrics blend humor, pathos and outrage. He has been described as “Lou Reed meets William Shatner” and “The Doors meet Jack Nicholson.”
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Track Name: Great Writing From A Mastermind
I know you didn’t come here for Art Therapy.
You came here for Great Writing From A Mastermind.
I’ve got that.

I blew all the money I earned from the Pizza Hut commercials on strippers in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and New York.
It was a low point in my life.
And I miss it very much.
You just can’t beat the smell of vanilla scented body lotion wafting off the warm skin of a stranger.

Great writing from a Mastermind.

Like I said, I was spending a lot of time in strip clubs back in 2000 and 2001. I kept running into this tall, blonde, Midwestern beauty at Flashdancers in midtown Manhattan. A beautiful dancer was a rare sight at that particular gentleman’s club.

We talked a lot during our lap dances. She was a clothing designer.
But she admitted she wasn’t doing a lot of designing of clothes.

She kept saying, “I’m ruined. Sydney ruined me.”

By that, she meant the money in Sydney Australia where prostitution is practically legal. She couldn’t resist going there every winter to prostitute herself for the money instead of doing the work of designing clothes.
“I’m ruined. Sydney ruined me.”
I wanted to say, “Baby, don’t say that about yourself.”
But I didn’t
‘cause I knew it was true.

Great writing from a Mastermind.

So there it is:
I go to see a play about a crazy woman.
And in the actress’ eyes and voice and body, I see Stacy.

The actress was portraying a character that was bloodied, abused, tormented, crippled, disturbed, driven and feral.
And in that portrayal, I saw Stacy.
And I thought to myself, “Goddamn, two years, I’m not over her yet?

Great writing from a Mastermind.

Cool air, hot coffee, actress in my bed.
God is good. Jesus Saves. Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop.

My old girlfriend used to stop us outside a party we were about to walk into and say to me, “Now, when we go inside, let’s don’t hang all over each other.” It felt bad.

My new girlfriend stops us outside a party we are about to walk into and silently slides her hand into mine and holds on tight. It feels good.

Money everyday. Sex every night. Poetry in the morning. Liquor at lunch.
Who’s the sucker now?

Great writing from a Mastermind.
Track Name: She Was Robbed Once
She’s in Brooklyn.
On the 4th floor.
Her apartment was robbed once.
Some drunk friends left the door open.
All the computers were taken.
She didn’t seem to care.
She just shrugged
and kept rolling along.

I was amazed.
I would have reacted differently.
For me, the storm clouds would have landed on my head
And the earth would have swallowed me.
Like in the bible.

She shrugged and smiled.

I see that and I think,
“Stay close to that,
hang onto that,
don’t let that go.”
Track Name: Ann Johnson From Portland
She bakes cakes and makes mozzarella by hand
She kills crossword puzzles and buys Spanish novels at the Strand
She loves drinking with her buddies at the 4 Faced Liar
She says, “We’ve all slept with each other, at one time or another…”
Ann Johnson from Portland

She lives with her cat and her best friend a librarian
They know the best bartenders in Crown Heights Brooklyn
She works on the East side, her commute is express,
she says, “when the 4 skips to Atlantic, it makes me wet…”
Ann Johnson from Portland

She’s got stage fright but her favorite holiday is Halloween
Every year she goes dressed up as a Sexy Something
Last year was an elephant; this year there’s no theme,
just a red wig, long black gloves and a lacey little thing
Ann Johnson from Portland

After college she shipped all her belongings to New York by truck
That truck crashed and burned on 94, she said, “Just my luck”
But on her wall is one photo that survived
It’s of her Mom in the woods, with her little girl by her side
Ann Johnson from Portland

Her apartment is opposite a convent on Saint Johns Place
Jesus watches her bedroom night and day
Her iPhone beeps all night with incoming texts
In the morning she asks, “Wanna start the day with sex?”
Ann Johnson from Portland

She’s got a pierced belly button, but no tattoos
When she lifts her dress and says, “Look!” It’s gonna be a bruise
But nothing stops her from going to Coney Island,
Screaming for joy riding downhill on the Cyclone
Ann Johnson from Portland
Ann Johnson from Portland
And I love her, yes I love her
She’s from Portland
Ann Johnson
Track Name: I Wear My Hair In A Bun
Rules are important for attracting women if you’re a young man.
Always be your self, it inspires confidence
You can never have too much confidence in your appearance

Don’t compare yourself to others
Wear the clothes and hairstyle you want to wear,
A young man’s profile is just as important as his health, maybe more

Don’t be afraid to be different
Difference can be attractive to women who are looking for adventure
She’s more likely to talk to you, if you don’t look like her father
Eventually, she may end up with someone exactly like her father
But for now, you could be strange enough for her to find exotic, but not threatening

Go ahead, step outside the bounds, she’ll appreciate it
Even if she doesn’t want date, you could be friends and share things
like hair gel, advice on conditioner or anything friends might share
It's the 21st century, Be Your Self!

I am tall and I’m thin
I wear my hair in a bun
I might be vegetarian
I wear my hair in a bun
I got a Danish girlfriend
I wear my hair in a bun
A ponytail won’t do
All my heroes are Hindu

Sensitivity is necessary to win the trust of a young woman’s heart.
Always listen, sympathize and respect her opinion
She’ll appreciate that more than anything you could ever buy her

Take care of your body, never get out of shape
Meditation is proven to reduce the risk of stroke
No young lady wants to be stuck with a vegetable

In some cultures your body is considered a temple
Stock your temple with incense, candles and modal music
When she’s leaving after a visit bow and affect a prayer position
It's a Sign of Respect

Got more soul than a hipster
With wear my hair in a bun
You’ll never call me mister
With wear my hair in a bun
I’m soul mates with your sister
With wear my hair in a bun
Hot yoga, tai chi
Capoeira, mat-based Pilates

Some in our society will look down on you
You may feel people are talking about you behind your back
Not in urban centers where diversity is prized
but in smaller towns and hamlets

Don’t let this western negativity stop you from being yourself
All men wish they could be Sampson
All men wish the power of their hair made restraint necessary

Restraint and discipline are the most masculine of all traits
As is generosity and openness to nature
The ideal of the western man is limiting
Don’t be fooled

If you want to walk this world as a Unique Person
rewards will come to you
Follow my advice and you will stand out
The Young Man’s Guide To Being An Individual!

I am tall and I’m thin
I wear my hair in a bun
I might be vegetarian
I wear my hair in a bun
I got a Danish girlfriend
I wear my hair in a bun
A ponytail won’t do
All my heroes are Hindu

Hot yoga, tai chi
Capoeira, mat-based Pilates

I’m samurai shogun
I wear my hair in a bun